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July 9, 2012

Join NAGC at SENG’s 2012 Conference

by Mariam

Get to know NAGC‘s Parenting for High Potential at the 2012 Annual Social Emotional Needs of Gifted Conference, or meet us on our social networks for a virtual experience.

Join our Parent Outreach Specialist, Mariam Willis, for back to back sessions on Friday morning, where you’ll hear about Androgyny &  Gifted Youth, as well as Critical Listening, Relationship Building and Parenting for High Potential. Mariam will be available to speak with you throughout the conference in the exhibitors’ area, and she will have recent publications on hand, give-a-ways, information about NAGC membership and our 2012 convention, November 15-18, in Denver.

Over next few days you can look forward to previews of sessions that are especially relevant to parenting gifted children.

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Androgyny and Gifted Youth

Friday, 8:30 – 9:45 a.m.

Presenters: Danae Deligeorges, MA, and Mariam Willis, MA

The concept of “psychological androgyny” is used to describe individuals with both stereotypical masculine and feminine behavioral traits. Gifted girls and boys are generally more androgynous than other children, which results in advantages and disadvantages throughout development. Characteristics innate to the gifted can complicate gender role development, creating significant challenges for caregivers and youth. This session will focus on understanding the characteristics of androgyny and ways caregivers can enhance healthy gender role development in gifted youth.

 Danae Deligeorges, MA, is a counselor and educator of gifted and talented students at the Hellenic American Academy in Deerfield, Ill. She is the founder of SAVE Gifted & Talented Individuals, an online community that supports and advocates via enjoyment of gifted & talented individuals around the world.

Mariam Willis, MA, is the Parent Outreach Specialist for the National Association for Gifted Children and a parent of highly gifted girl and a twice-exceptional boy. Over the last ten years, she has taught a variety of courses in communication and critical thinking and directed a nationally awarded debate program.

But, WHY? Critical Listening, Relationship Building, and Parenting for High Potential

Friday, 10 a.m.–11:15 a.m.

Presenter: Mariam Willis, MA

Most gifted children have strong memory skills and unending curiosity. Consequently they often are dynamic critical listeners, which is the process of listening for problems in interactions and the environment. While this can be an asset that enables sophisticated problem solving, and academic and professional success, it also can create obstacles to establishing rewarding relationships with peers and family members. This session will introduce six modes of listening and explore the modes most important to relationship building. It will provide strategies for parents to use when responding to their child’s complex and often incessant questions, as well as exercises to assist youngsters in shifting listening to better meet their needs and environment.

Posted in communication, gender, relationships, SENG, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment »

March 6, 2012

Gifted Adulthood: Bloom Where You’re Planted

by Mariam

#NAGC chat—February 29, 2012

Our guest expert for #NAGC chat on February 29 was Lisa Erickson, a Seattle based psychotherapist and trainer specializing in gifted adults.

Adults usually avoid identifying as gifted, even if directly asked, because of belief that giftedness is defined by actual eminent achievement, such as a Nobel Peace Prize or owning a Fortune 500 Company. Knowing one’s giftedness and having a well-developed sense of identity as a gifted person are crucial for the development of potential. As parents, we can improve our gifted child’s awareness and acceptance by taking our own journey toward self-understanding and acceptance.  The apple never falls far from the tree.

Consider, what do you wish you had received from your parents regarding your giftedness that you did not receive?  What did they do well?  What do you want to do differently?

As a gifted adult, you may know you are different but not realize why. Many gifted adults experience (from the Gifted Development Center):

  • a sense of humor and creativity few others understand
  • a sense of alienation and loneliness
  • outrage at moral breaches that the rest of the world seems to take for granted
  • being out-of-step and on a separate path

The following is a few additional qualitiesdiscussed by Annemarie Roeper in the article “Gifted Adults: Their Characteristics and Emotions” published the Advanced Development Journal:

  • Gifted adults have a special “problem awareness.” They have the ability to predict consequences, see relationships, and foresee problems which are likely to occur.
  • Because gifted adults know more what is at stake, risk taking for a gifted person may be more difficult than for others because it may take longer for them to decide.
  • Gifted adults often develop their own method of learning and grasping concepts which can lead to conflict with others who don’t use or understand their method.
  • Gifted adults are often confronted with the problem of having too many abilities in too many areas in which they would like to work, discover and excel.
  • Gifted adults are often driven by their giftedness and may be overwhelmed by the pressure of their creativity. Giftedness is a drive, an energy, a necessity to act—it’s a need for mastery, intellectually, creatively, and physically which grows from the need to make sense of the world, to understand the world and to create one’s world.

Consider, how do you experience the world differently from those who fall under the IQ curve? How where you different as a child, and how has that shaped you?

According to Deidra Lovecky, author of Can You Hear the Flowers Sing? Issues for Gifted Adults, five traits seem to produce potential interpersonal and intrapersonal conflict in gifted adults: divergency, excitability, sensitivity, perceptivity, and entelechy. Unless gifted adults learn to value themselves and find support, identity conflicts and depression may result.

Consider, how have your relationships been affected by giftedness? How do you manage friendships? According to Annemarie Roeper, gifted adults relate best to others who share their interests and may have a small circle of friends or sometimes only one, but the relationships are meaningful. During chat, participants revealed that they have had obstacles to maintaining friendships.  Many due to a sense of “out-growing” the relationship, others due to their astute “problem awareness” coupled with excitability that eventually led to losing valued friendships and relational frustration. Chat participants overwhelming expressed comfort in discovering this commonality.

Stephanie Tolan suggested in the article Discovering the Gifted Ex-Child that the gifted frequently take their own capacities for granted.  Not understanding the source of their frustration or ways to alleviate it, they may opt to relieve the pain through addictive substances and behaviors.  Or they may simply hunker down and live their lives in survival mode.  Lisa commented that there are significant gender differences in the way gifted identity is experienced, and the prevalence of introversion among gifted further complicates the experience.  According to Linda Silverman, about 60% of gifted children are introverted compared with 30% of the general population.

Consider, how does giftedness affect your work? Are you laughing?  According to Noks Nauta and Frans Corten, authors of Gifted at Work, “Gifted adults (particularly top 2%) sometimes are not able to function adequately at work.” Their high intelligence can inhibit adaptation to work situations, sometimes leading to absenteeism and disability. However, hardly any scientific research on this topic has been performed.

NAGC’s 2010 position paper, Redefining Giftedness for a New Century, calls for increased focus on gifted and talented adults.  The bottom line is all gifted children grow up. Giftedness is an orientation toward the world that continues to affect experience in every context throughout life.

 

Join us every Wednesday at 8:30 pm/EST for #NAGC chat on twitter!

Posted in #NAGC chat, communication, families, relationships, self-esteem, twitter | 4 Comments »

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March 2, 2012

Divorce & Gifted Children

by Mariam

Often because of intellectual prowess and competencies, gifted children can easily be placed in complex adult or parent roles when families are experiencing life changes or in crisis.

Characteristics often found in gifted children may be especially pronounced when a family is experiencing a significant change, such as separation or divorce. Michele Kane, Associate Professor at Northeastern University, and Ellen Fiedler, Professor Emeritus at Northeastern University and founder of Wings for Education suggest, “Gifted families are already complex, especially given the number of gifted individuals within the family. Gifted individuals have high levels of intensity and sensitivity that affects all of their experiences.” A strong support system is especially critical during this time.

 According to Isolina Ricci (1997), author of Mom’s House, Dad’s House, most children will display some emotional or physical reaction to significant family changes, such as divorce, during the first six to twelve months and sometimes longer.  Children need time to adjust, just as adults do.  Those who were doing well before the family separation typically recover nicely in time.  But some children will need additional support from skilled professionals, and this may be especially true of gifted individuals with asynchronous development and heightened sensitivities. Ricci’s book outlines common warning signs that parents may observe that indicate a need for skilled intervention. She suggests that by the time listed behaviors have appeared, a child may have been feeling vulnerable for some time. These danger signals may be more pronounced, as well as cross age distinctions, in gifted children.

Infants—2 ½ years Difficulty with feeding, sleeping.  Excessive crying, listlessness.  Regression to early stages of development; slower or stalled development; increased fears, especially of strangers.  Tantrums, hyperactivity.  Fears of abandonment are paramount.  Misses the absent parent.  Depression.  Panic.  Extreme needs to physical affection and holding.
2 1/2 – 5 years

 

 Same as above.  Also, there may be excessive clinging, whining, sadness, vigilance, aggression, or being too good.  May feel unloved, guilty, or responsible for the separation or problems between parents.  May fear basic needs will not be met.  May have somatic symptoms.
6 – 8 years Anger, fear of future, aggression, hyperactivity, withdrawal; problems with schoolwork, peers; depression; clinging, whining.  May feel unloved, betrayed, guilty. May fear being abandoned.  May have symptoms described for younger children.
9 – 12 years Anger toward parents, trouble in school with peers, blaming, depression, fear of future and abandonment, low self-esteem, excessive worries, drug and sexual experimentation, somatic symptoms.
13 – 18 years The same problems can continue from earlier years, but with greater danger to self and others, including promiscuity, addiction, criminal activity.  Also may withdraw from friends and/or family, be overly shy or lacking confidence, fear their ability to make it on their own, to form satisfactory intimate relationships.

To provide the best environment for adjustment after significant family changes there are specific approaches parents should take, as well as patterns that should be avoided entirely.  First, parents need a solid support system that will enable both to move forward without blaming or condemning anyone, especially the ex-spouse.  Often because of intellectual prowess and competencies, gifted children can easily be placed in complex adult or parent roles when families are experiencing life changes or in crisis.  Parents must be conscientious that boundaries and responsibilities remain developmentally appropriate for children.  Most importantly, parents should listen well to their child and everyone involved in the situation.  Working to listen without defensiveness or judgment will help the child feel that he or she has a safe and supportive place to transform uncomfortable or intense emotions.

Despite the reality of new family structures popular television, movies, and books continue to reinforce the traditional view of a family as being a married couple, mother, father, and their children.  According to the author of The Good Divorce, Constance Ahrons,“Shame is an all-too-common feeling for children living in families that deviate from the idealized norm” (122). Kids in single-parent, blended, interracial, multigenerational, and same-sex families all share this problem.  Seek books and movies that will normalize and reflect empowering stories about your particular family structure.  Parents who can resist defensiveness about their separation or divorce will better assist their children finding an empowering way to understand and communicate their family changes.

In the March 2012 Parenting for High Potential magazine you can read about this topic, explore additional suggestions and resources, in The Myth of the Traditional Family. As a parent member of NAGC, you will receive membership, discounts, newsletters, and 8 issues of our PHP magazine!  Join us for just $30/year!

Do you have a question about parenting your gifted child?   Visit the  Parenting for High Potential Blog to send questions and share experiences.

Suggested resources:

The Good Divorce/Constance Ahrons

Mom’s House, Dad’s House/Isolina Ricci

PHP Blog Supporting Your Gifted Child: How to Find a Therapist

Posted in divorce, early childhood, families, relationships, self-esteem | Leave a Comment »

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