Mariamby Stacia Taylor
Founder, Texas Parents of the Profoundly Gifted
2011-13 member, NAGC Parent Advisory Committee
A frequent topic of conversation for parents of gifted children is the challenge of finding peers. For some gifted children, peers can be as elusive as the end of a rainbow. For a gifted child connecting with a true peer is surely a pot of gold.
We often think of a child’s peers as those of the same age and grade. However, a true peer relationship is much more colorful. A peer validates interests, challenges you to go further, and delights in shared camaraderie. True peers are those people who meet on a social, emotional and intellectual level, not those who are simply age or grade compatible. True peers inhabit the same universe.
My eldest daughter enjoys telling jokes to people she does not know. I have realized this is her clever strategy for discovering true peers. Her jokes are layered and most everyone will get the first layer of the joke, but every so often someone will also “get” the second layer of the joke. Her face lights up when she realizes she has “struck gold” and found a kindred spirit. These jokes are like a secret language reserved for and only recognized by her true peers.
What is your child’s secret language? Helping your gifted child recognize when a potential friend is meaningfully connecting to his interests or unique way, will help him in mastering this skill alone.
Some gifted children have no trouble finding peers within their local gifted program. These children enjoy being with the people who get them, true peers, who will challenge and help them grow. However for unidentified gifted children and those without strong gifted communities true peers are more elusive.
There are a few reasons why true peers are hard for gifted children to find.
As adults, we often forget that we pick our true peers not based on age or grade, but based on likes, talents, and fields of interest. Why would establishing meaningful relationships be any different for children? For example, sometimes we our connection to our neighbors or office mates is by proximity, but we are miles apart in interests or ideals. Nonetheless, we interact to build community and harmony, even though our neighbors or office mates are rarely our true peers. This occurs for children as well. Expanding our perspective is particularly important when considering the relational needs of gifted children, who are typically experiencing asynchronous development. Their peers may not be of the same age or in the same grade. Even, sometimes a teacher may be a gifted child’s only true peer.
So that we effectively validate the experience gifted children often have of being out of sync with the world that is often established for them in our schools, churches, and communities, it is critical that we aid them in growing their idea of “true” peers beyond age or grade peer. It is a gift to be unique, but it can be lonely. Learning the necessary skills to work with age and grade peers assists in appreciating difference and leads to successful communities and workplaces down the road. Helping gifted children discover true peers assists in growing skills for meaningful relationships and leads to feelings of belonging and love.
For a parent, helping a gifted child find true peers may call for chasing many rainbows in search of a pot of gold. True peers are vital to well-being. When we feel acknowledge and accepted by others, it easier to accept ourselves, especially when our self is a different. True peers are a pot of gold and well worth the pursuit!
Suggestions and resources:
Volunteering is a great way to find like-minded peers.
Consider safe, online forums for gifted children.
Try out the new virtual world for gifted kids ages 12-16 around the world: World of Begabungs
Consider organizing clubs of interest to your child, for us it has been: Lego League, Zome club, Pokemon, or Magic. Many groups of interest may be taking place at your local library, book store, or specialty shop.
Attending public lectures with your child can be not only educational but fun. Often they are great places to find mentors and families with similar interests.
